What's Wrong With Payday 3

This game has been a bigger disappointment to me than it was to my parents, so today we're going to be looking at where the game got it right but also where it fumbled the ball. So I figured I might as well just rip the Band-Aid off now. Overkill kind of [__] the duck with this one; they decided to make Payday 3 online only, which I guess isn't too big of an issue, or at least it wouldn't have been if the game servers weren't Town 24/7.

I actually went, and I checked out the Twitter page to see what Overkill had to say about it. I saw this gem from them. Heers, we're currently seeing signs of an emerging issue with the matchmaking; services in Payday 3 matchmaking are recovering, and players are returning to the game 12 seconds later.

The recovery has halted, and we've had another drop in service. The team is working on restoring functionality as soon as possible. The game doesn't have a very good utility variety or many notable masks, and it also doesn't have very many maps. But don't worry, guys; I'm sure that's coming in the form of 100+ DLCs that each cost over $10.

Speaking of scummy modern Gam practices, Payday 3 was released in a buggy, broken mess. Turn around turn around look i don't know why a new company can just, you know, play their game first. Maybe they just wanted to fit with the cool goods. I guess I don't [__] know anyways on to the [__] that actually works, I guess.

The guns in this game feel great; they have more impact than a fan-made Marvel trailer. Punching hard at my stepdad and my Lord of the Sounds, they're orgasmic. Unfortunately, however, all guns are reloaded at a snail pace, and trying to use a shotgun on an enemy is less effective than politely asking them to leave this shotgun, which stinks.

Dick Melee in this game doesn't even exist. I came up to this one guy to try and do a stealth kill, and instead I gave him four devious little loves. Taps, he turns around, stares me right in the face for a solid two seconds, and still doesn't notice me, so I sent him to heaven via assault rifle, hoping that whenever he gets reincarnated, he'll be born with a [__] nervous system.

This time now, saying all this, you think combat would be the highest cause of death in Payday 3, but no, your biggest enemy is actually any Gap over 2 feet tall in this game. We have the bones and posture of an 80-year-old. Man, anytime you fall more than 3 feet, your weak ass R spaghetti leg snaps under the pressure, and you're left there on the floor to think over whether it was a good idea to jump off the top floor or not.

For the enemies, you've got your standard grunt with Kevlar, an offenser trained heavily in the art of self-defense, and an appropriate response to minor trespassing. A Neo-Nazi, and most importantly, Jackie Chan If you're on any difficulty above normal, there are more cops and there are stars in the sky, and each and every one of them has an aimbot.

If you're on normal, however, you get transferred to an alternate reality where police brutality doesn't exist and all their bullets have been replaced with tiny, polite notes. Asking the bad guys to kindly take a break from crime lotion on my right, I'm just stroking my [__] P3 civilian AI. They are so dumb that they make the labotomy patients from the Saints Row reboot look like Isaac [__] Newton by comparison.

These AI are nearsighted, farsighted, and deaf lame, and I wouldn't be surprised if a few of them had leprosy too. They come prepackaged with the hearing of a geriatric war vet and have a bigger blind spot in the [__] T-Rexes in Jurassic Park. I usually wouldn't complain too much about a game being too easy, but quite frankly, it just doesn't feel right to do this to Helen Keller.

Contrary to that, however, the security cameras in this game do seem to be omnipotent, so that's something to look forward to. Guess, P3 systems are nothing to write home about either; in fact, the only person I'm going to be riding about them to is a goddamn exorcist. None of them are great, but only one of them is truly terrible.

The [__] safe cracking miname Not only does the game It takes 5 to 10 business days to crack one of these [__] but it can just reset you at any moment, forcing you to restart the whole mini-game. But the worst part of this mini game, the part that really kills it, is the fact that there is no [__] exit button, which means that if a cloaker is coming to clap your cheeks at MCK 10 and you're bent over in front of a safe, you're pretty much just, [__], he's feating my ass, he's feating my ass, guys.

Help by the time that you finally open that safe, you've aged 10 years, developed trust issues, and if you decided to do it loud, you've gained the power of severe intestinal bleeding. I can give it one thing: the game looks great visibly; it's pretty much just every new AAA game except for the fact that every time I'm outside.

I become a top G and see reality for what it really is. Payday 3 is a simulation. I don't know. I don't know. Just a suggestion.